Profile

Exhibiting no similarities to the homonymic annelid, the leech, Leach suckered his way out of the primordial soup sometime in the early 70s straight into the swimming stage of a local triathlon. At school, he was nicknamed 'Hermes' - unfortunately not after the Olympian Greek god but rather the delivery company because he was often late and smashed. Like most comedians in the late 90s, Leach cleaned up his act and got himself out on the road - this time on his bicycle and running shoes. An avid runner, he loved his marathons however he was disappointed when they removed the duo pack from his local garage.

Leach appears hewn from rock, has been gifted a lot of soul, and is naturally glam, and unsurprisingly this has led to an appreciation of all things musical. An animal-lover and a big Man United fan, Leach is considering a chest tattoo of Roy Keane in full rage mode.

Leach has always had a heart of gold. This has made airport security quite difficult to navigate but thankfully he has friends in high places (his City-loving girlfriend flies big planes). Leach's ideal location would be on a saddle, lycra-clad, deep in Cognac territory in France. He loves everything French particularly the cheese and the government legislation. As such, he is a big advocate of French roulé.

He will be preparing for this season in the normal way - mostly working out a suitable diary clash to avoid the Manchester derby. Allez les bleus!