Profile

Catherine "Shofig" Donnelly arrived into the world in the same year The Iron Lady arrived at Number 10 so her early memories are mainly of terrible hair and handbags. Having said that, she did spend a lot of her time playing with her elder brothers.

The early years of Shofig's life (referred to as 'The Dancing Years' in her soon-to-be-published autobiography, 'The Female Flatley) were spent anxiously waiting in the wings of various social clubs and village halls. Her Irish dancing success won her many plaudits and accolades. The then Chief High Shillelagh of Greater Ireland, Winston 'Oscar' Wilde, once famously said, "I have nothing to declare but this massive hoard of Irish dancing silverware won by Shofig from Bangor" (this quote was later altered by the Chief Chief's Editor in Chief - that's easy for you to say, Ed).

As time passed, it became clear that Shofig was destined for bigger things. She moved from her family shed in 1920s rural Ireland to crazy, pot-smoking, Hacienda-dancing, acid-faced Ma(n/d)chester. A new chapter began in this young life. A new chapter that would be very different from the previous chapter. So different that it would be impossible to tell that the same person had lived in both chapters of the same book. This chapter would be called 'The Dancing Years part II'.

"Fame! I want to live forever!" - neither of these exclamations would come true for Shofig but her dancing would continue and she invested heavily in leg warmers and large sticks. When the dancing dried up, she opened a 'Leg Warmer and Large Stick' wholesale depot which unfortunately folded in week two due to an unforeseen infestation of Man City fans. This forced her into a brave admission. An admission that only someone who had lived in Salford could understand. It was time to move to east London.

By the time the train had eased itself into Euston, this fledging had already developed an Eastenders' accent and was ready for her first super-skinny-chocca-mocha-extra-frothy-latte. It was like she was back home even though she had just arrived. A bit like that scene in Back To The Future when Marty arrives home even though he has just arrived in the past. Except Shofig didn't use a DeLorean car. Nor was she chased by terrorists. However, she was wearing an oversized red body-warmer.

We could spend a while talking about London and the travails of this girl. Instead, I'll sum it up in a series of rhyming miniature sound bites: high-jinks, cheeky winks, late night drinks, drummer with The Kinks (long story).