Profile

The secret lovechild of Bruce Willis and Madonna, Aaron David Snowden was raised in a motel in mid-80s Detroit to a soundtrack of road traffic and the Psychedelic Furs.

His childhood was spent largely in detention with a geek, a jock, an outcast, a future criminal and a rich pretty-girl snob. Confusingly for Aaron, the rich girl occasionally transformed into a poor girl, the affections of whom he had to wrestle away from a rich but sensitive playboy.

Aaron quit the States for Basildon, Essex to form "the most popular electronic band the world has ever known". Their 1988 world tour was a breakthrough and huge success, ironically in Aaron's home country of the United States.

Sadly, Aaron's heroin addiction was starting to affect his behaviour, causing him to become more erratic and introverted, eventually leading to a collapse of the band, whereupon he moved to the seaside town of Blackpool.

Despite the move and change of lifestyle, Aaron's temperament had been irrevocably affected. Local Blackpudlians would frequently witness Aaron losing the plot whilst playing mini golf, headbutting telephone boxes and seeking out confrontation with a man he chose to call "The Pig".

Following Blackpool's famous Seasiders has had a therapeutic (numbing?) effect on Aaron although fans of Preston North End are warned to remain cautious.