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A strapping 5ft 3in in his tallest Cuban heels, Ascetic Aston, as he has come to be known, lives in a world without colour. A high-ranking member of the Cult of Chromophobia (based in Croydon, Texas), he believes he has been put on this earth to suck the colour out of it. Many a rainbow has withered under his monochrome gaze.

Favouring the (black) Crystal Palace away kit from 2013/14, Aston is similarly one-toned in his approach to food. He knows what he likes and he sticks to it. Pizza. Chips. Chips on Pizza. Hold the tomato sauce because that might pique the taste buds. It's all about soft variations on a theme with Paul. Nothing too racy.

On the subject of which ... racing bikes. Not for him a top-of-the-range blue Bianchi with tangerine wheels, a Sat Nav that makes dinner reservations at Barrafina and a built-in Colombian coffee bean percolator as standard.

That would be decadent and unnecessary.

Paul explores his hobbies as he undertakes football predictions: with prudence. A modestly-priced Raleigh Circumspect here, a 0-0 preds draw there. Slow and steady wins the day. After all, who needs the bright lights and glamour of the Preds top flight? Not Ascetic Aston. No, no. Far better to lurk in the shadowy warmth of the lower divisions.